The Art of Asking

I recently finished reading The Art of Asking by Amanda Palmer, a biographical account by the indie artist as her career opportunities and methods of distributing her art became more self-sufficient simply by asking others for support. Amanda accounts how many of her successes in life and her career came from simply asking someone else for the thing she wants. It is an inspring, and often unbelievable, story that highlights the generosity humanity can provide if you simply ask for it to.

She had fans raise over $1 million in Kickstarter, house her as she toured across the globe, support her as she went largely independent in her career, etc. Many of her greatest opportunities and achievements came from asking others to give them to her. She emphasizes the human desire to provide and be a part of something bigger if you only ask them to be.

She also discusses the importance of asking in personal relationships. Asking for the things you want from individuals, and being willing to accept what they offer, is a magical thing that allows you to become closer with that person. She illustrates how her husband desperately wanted to support her by providing financial assistance in projects that needed it, but she constantly rejected it as to not feel like a burden or a fraud of an artist. She comes to terms with the fact that her husband wanted desperately to support her in this way, and was asking to the whole time. She allows him to show love by accepting his ask.

In the process of accepting this money, and throughout the book as she contends with the criticism of fans on the internet who reprimand her for asking for money from their fans directly, she faces what she calls the fraud police. The fraud police are something we all face at some point, more commonly referred to as imposter syndrome. Basically, that at any moment someone will throw the curtains up and come to you saying we found you out, you are a fraud and do not deserve to be where you are. As she says, the fraud police never come.

Reflecting on this book, I wonder what are the things we want in life that are simply an ask away? Deeper friendships. More money. A entrepreneurial endeavour. Influence on social media. Each of these things can largely be achieved by asking for them to be. Whether that ask is directly to an individual, or in the form of a more vague ask to the ‘universe’ asking is the first step to receiving. Ask and you shall receive. Will you do X with me? Can I have more money? Do you want to buy this? Will you follow me? People want to help more than we think.

I’ve never been very good at asking for help. I was never the kid who wen’t to the teacher or professor for extra help when I didn’t understand something or when I wanted to argue for a grade. These days, I try and ask clarifying questions when facing problems more as that very often reveals the true problem and solution. I’m good at asking for help when I’m solving someone else’s problem, but need to practice asking for what I want from others.

I think practicing asking for what you want on a frequent basis is important so that when the time comes to ask for the big stuff, you have the reps in to do that confidently. Noah Kagan (entrepreneur and writer, not the singer-songwriter) talks about this and recommends a challenge for those who are not good at asking for things from others: the next time you are buying something small like coffee at a cafe, just ask the barista for 10% off. They may be very confused and will often call their manager to say no, but the point isn’t getting the 10%, its being willing to ask for what you want even when the odds of getting what you want are low. In the long run, there will be times when you ask for what you want and you receive it.

There’s no harm in asking and the upside can be anything you want.

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Blog day 3! Need to meditate later but my work project’s big product launch announcement party is all day today. Slow carb will be succesful today for sure. Need to read before bed.

Coffee in Mexico City