Weighing what you do with what you want

What actions am I taking to get what I want? What ways am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I do not want?

Weighing what you do with what you want is important as it is easy to believe you are chasing a dream or goal but are not actually taking any actions towards achieving it.

Last night I attended a work party and later with friends debated a lot of aspects of that work party. We debated whether we should have been more attentive towards the client and tried to ‘schmooze’ more with them. The main purpose of this would be less to please the client, but more so to show our bosses in attendance that we are dedicated towards pleasing the client, something they would want. Ultimately we would do this to help our chances of reaching personal goals at work, not because we are good businessmen or partners to our client and want to mingle with them.

In some instances we had nice conversations with the client, but in the back of our heads was the idea that we should be having those conversations and complimenting them because we need something from them. That something would be their approval and for our superiors to see that we are close to the client.

In this I have an internal conflict of weighing what I ‘should’ do. That ‘should’ could either be what I should do if I want to pursue a promotion, or what I should do to live my truest life. If I do not care to talk or mingle with a client, then I should not force myself to. Though, if I want that promotion, I should force myself to.

In this instance, there is another layer of conflict where I debate whether I want that promotion at all. If my life goal is to be an entrepreneur, then would being my truest self help me attain that? or is my deepest desire convincing me of this so that I have a lesser chance of a promotion, improving my chances of pursuing entrepreneurship? Would that even be the case if I were to not receive a promotion?

In weighing what you do, and examining how you are complicit in the condition you create, should the decision be to shift your entire life towards actions that get you closer to that goal?

If you hedge your bet, do you truly want that dream you say you have in the first place?

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Duolingo is glitched so no spanish today. Slow carb all morning but had a great cheat meal tonight. No meditiation still. Skiing tomorrow will be part of that meditation.

Photo is the Matterhorn from Zermatt.